I should be happy

Published September 23, 2015 by ANA'sone

I should be happy. I really should. I have been waiting for 6 weeks to get the answer I did yesterday. But for some reason I am not. I am overwhelmed. Not about surgery or the very painful recovery I am going to have to go through again. The left  shoulder was a nightmare for the first part. But surgery is the only way to fix the extensive tearing in my shoulder.

I guess because it brings to light all the wrongs and choices I have made. My brother has offered to go with me which is sweet. 

I just feel empty. I feel lost. I am not quite sure I can do this. I know I am just tired from this week of respite which ends tomorrow. I know tired makes everything harder for me. 

I don’t know I can’t even put into words how I feel. I just want to curl up in a ball and have someone hold me and tell me it will all be ok. Not just surgery but life. Because this darkness settling in brings back old desires. If I am not here I won’t need surgery. I just want peace from all of this.

I am just so very tired!!!

3 comments on “I should be happy

  • I wish I could be there to comfort you, you sound like you really need it. You’ve just got to stay positive, try not to fall back into old patterns and. bebaviours because they never get you anywhere. You’re doing really well and you will get through this. I promise x

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